Soccer / Football

Shortly there after, this player quickly learned how to do the splits.

 Hey there everyone! Sorry about the wait between posts. I'm not gonna lie, through a bizarre chain of events, I ended up getting my right foot caught in a blender, which was then turned on and resulted in a grotesque smoothie. I'll be honest with you in saying I tried a bit of it (it was nasty and tasty like foot) while in the haze from the pain and morphine that giant bug creatures gave me. Or maybe those were paramedics? In retrospect, I'm not even sure why I was on Venus in the first place. Wait a minute.....

EITHER WAY! Today's article is about...(Drumroll Please)...SOCCER! Why Soccer you ask? Because it's hard to play it without a foot! (Buhdumtish!)

How would you like to play against THESE guys?

Did you know...?

1. While generally known as Soccer in the Americas, this game is more commonly known as "Football" while "Football" in the Americas is known as, wouldn't you know it, American Football. It is also known as Footy/Footie and "The World Game". Getting a little arrogant aren't we here? Just because the game is played by over 250 million players in over 200 players doesn't mean you should get a big head.

2. Soccer/Football or games of a similar nature (i.e. foot-meets-ball) have existed in a multitude of countries throughout history; so far back even that there currently is not a single-solid determined date as to when it was first created. One form played by the Aztecs even combined the ideals of Soccer and Basketball in which players had to make the ball through an elevated hoop without the use of their hands! Apparently the desire to kick balls around is an instinctual desire in human beings; right next to that whole need-to-breed thing.

3. The association that deals with Soccer/Football as a professional sport around the world is known as FIFA, which stands for the Federation Internationale de Football Association, who organize the FIFA World Cup every four years for the worlds' teams to compete. Think of it sort of like the Olympics but if there was only one contest and no gymnasts. 

LAWWWWWWWWWW!

4. Soccer/Football does not have rules, it has LAWS; 17 to be exact. These 17 official Laws of the Game are designed for all levels of play with certain exceptions made for groups such as disabled persons, women, elderly, etc. All of the Laws are designed to allow for flexibility in their understanding and usage in the game. Just remember, you can never break the law when you ARE THE LAW!



5. The Laws of the Game are published by FIFA however they are actually maintained/created/modified by IFAB, the Internation Football Association Board. This Board is made up of a group of representatives from various Soccer/Football associations and meet twice a year to decide on any possible changes to the Game. Who'd have thought that Soccer was run by an aristocracy?

I wonder what the rules say about Super-Moves.

 6. Each team consists of a maximum of eleven and a minimum of seven players, one of which must be a goalkeeper. Incidentally, the goalkeeper is the only person who is allowed to touch the ball with his hands. They went with goalkeeper because Ball-Master just sounded way too creepy.


7. Having a fat dude on your team is probably not the smartest move. Cardio is key.




8. At a professional level, point scoring is actually relatively rare with comparison to other sports. One example from the 2005-06 season of the English Premier League only produced an average of 2.48 goals per match. That probably explains why people are so excited when someone actually gets one in.


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And that's it for the day! I hope you enjoyed some fascinating facts about FIFA (not alliteration intended...ok, I lied). Nonetheless, I hope you have a fun day and you enjoy the use of both feet (while you can. (MWHAHAHA)